JON BLAKE COMES CLEAN ON VAGINAS

My friend Jon Blake wrote this a few years back and it's still so fucking funny. If you don't know who Jon is, he sings for On Broken Wings and Shere Khan which basically means he is a bum who lives at The Zoo and travels around yelling at a bunch of 16 year old kids in girl's pants at shows. Part 2 coming tomorrow:

Ok... yeah, so I know a lot of dudes that like vagina, and I'm not exactly sure what the fucking deal is. I think it's fucking terrible. That shit smells, looks, tastes and sounds bad. And fuck yes it makes a lot of noises, and they're all gross as fuck.
Now I know some bitches out there are all "Dude, I dunno who you been getting with but..." But nothing, shut the fuck up bitch. I know not ALL Vs are like, rotten, but don't try to sit there and tell me that shit has EVER tasted or smelled GOOD. Even when it's not bad it still aint GOOD. Fuck you, at best the bitch tastes like salt, and has no smell, but I have yet to find the super Vag that tastes like a fucking Strawberry Coolata.

On top of all that faggot shit, some bitches don't feel the need to shave that crap. What the FUCK would make you think not shaving it would ever be a good idea, EVER?! Nasty cave man fucks.

Another thing I hate is when you're nice enough to go down on a bitch and she has the audacity to not get off in a timely fashion. I hate when that faggot thing under my tongue gets all hurt from it rubbing on my bottom teeth. I hate when they get all wet and I been down there so long I got slop and drool all over my fucking face and chin and shit too. They should be like me and get off in 10 min.

Bitches look so much hotter in underwear. Not slutty ass thongs either, nice cotton undies that show their curvy asses off, and cover up that nasty.

I hate when Vs are those fucking hanging down, droopy lip shits too. From my experience there are 3 types of Vag:

A) The nice little butt, hot dog bun looking ones.

B) The ones where the lips hang so far down they come out of the middle of that little pouchy business. I don't know what the fuck they're called, theres like 38,976 folds down there. These are the nasty meat curtain ones that you have to get the bitch all wet before you can even split those 2 fucking burger slabs apart.

C) The ones that have too much fucking woolly mammoth hair to even distinguish what it looks like, let alone get a finger or 2 in with out ripping a buncha hairs out and shoving them in the bitch while you fight to get your fucking fingers back from the Evil Dead bushes of doom that wrap all up your arm when you put your hand down her pants.